The Myth of Having It All
- Maya Kuzalti
- Oct 26
- 4 min read
Why Women Might Not Be Able to Have It All
PepsiCo Chair and CEO Indra Nooyi famously shared her reality about life as a high-functioning woman. “I don’t think women can have it all,” she said. “We pretend we can have it all.” And when I first read that, I must admit, I scoffed. There I was, having it all. A wife, a mother, a fast-moving exec working in fascinating tech start-ups. I was having my cake and eating it too. Every last scrap.
Then, I had my stroke. And I didn’t see it coming. I was “high-functioning,” high-performing, and outwardly healthy. I didn’t look like the kind of person this should happen to. And yet, it did.
In the aftermath, I began to ask the questions I wish someone had asked me before. Why wasn’t I warned? Why didn’t I know how high the risks were for me? As I dug deeper, I found something staggering:
Women are more likely than men to experience a stroke. And we’re less likely to recover well from it.
That shocked me. I’d never heard that. It’s not something we talk about. Especially not among the high-achieving, fast-moving women who juggle boardrooms and bedtimes, presentations and playdates, managing both family and business while putting their health on the back burner.
But we do need to talk about it.
Numbers Tell The Story
It’s a well-hidden fact that, on average, more women than men suffer strokes each year. We also face different risk factors, many tied to hormones, pregnancy, migraines, and menopause. According to the American Heart Association, 1 in 5 women will have a stroke in her lifetime. And we are more likely to die from it than men.
Leadership doesn’t protect us. In fact, in many ways, it puts us more at risk. Women in high-stress, high-responsibility roles often operate in high-demand, low-control environments, where expectations are massive, but agency is limited.
We’re often juggling the visible pressures of leadership with the invisible work of caregiving, perfectionism, and self-suppression. I didn’t know that constant pressure was a health risk - I thought it was just life.
After the Stroke
But it’s not just about mortality. Because life after a stroke, especially when you have spent a good portion of your life trying to ‘have it all’, can be a frightening and frustrating new world.
There’s good evidence to suggest that women are significantly less likely to return to work after a severe stroke compared to men. And even when we do “recover,” our outcomes are often worse.
Reading that was like seeing my own story reflected back at me. Because while the NHS saved my life, for which, I will always be grateful, what came next felt like a void. A discharge, a stack of papers, and then silence. Because despite the growing numbers of younger women suffering strokes, the medical profession isn’t used to survivors who look, and live, like us.
One-Size-Fits-All? Not for Women
My recovery didn’t fit neatly into the charts. The paperwork I was sent home with didn’t help me survive the emotional landmines, the exhaustion, or the cognitive fog. It didn’t tell me that I might spend hours on the phone advocating for myself, or that I’d need to learn the language of neurologists, audiologists, therapists, and blood specialists, all while processing the trauma of it all.
And no one told me how gendered that experience might be. Research shows women face more “invisible” stroke symptoms, longer delays in diagnosis, and worse rehabilitation access. We’re often told to “rest” while men are encouraged to “recover.”
The Warning Signs Ambitious Women Miss
You can’t advocate for your health if you don’t know the risks. And you can’t lead with power if you’ve burned out your foundation. Here’s what I wish every high-performing woman knew before a health crisis forces the conversation:
Know your risk factors. High blood pressure, hormonal birth control, pregnancy complications, panic attacks, headaches, migraines with aura, and stress are not small things. They are stroke risks. Pay attention.
Listen to your body before it screams. Don’t brush off fatigue, fogginess, or “just stress.” These are data points.
Push for the right care. If you need more time, take it. If you need a break, take it. Take notes. Be the squeaky wheel. It’s exhausting, yes—but necessary.
Don’t do it alone. You shouldn’t have to navigate the system solo. Find your allies—friends, family, specialists, coaches. Let people help.
After my stroke, I had to become the project manager of my own recovery. No one else was going to coordinate my care. No one else was going to ask the questions. And no one else was going to build the new version of me that could lead again at home and at work.
But I did. It started the moment I realised this wasn’t just about getting back to “normal”. Instead it was about redefining what powerful, present, and healthy leadership looked like.
I’m still learning. But I do know that health isn’t a detour from leadership it’s the foundation of it. And if you want to live in balance, you need to find your own way of ‘having it all’ so you can have it all for the long haul.
If you want to read more, here are some of the articles I have referred to in this blog:
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